Fatigue and MS go together like spaghetti and meatballs. So how do I keep up with the necessities! of life? Simple answer: I don’t. But I still manage decently. When I was first diagnosed, it was pretty bad. In addition to the fatigue of a flare, my legs were also affected. It was all I could do to get through a work shift. And even after switching to office work, some days were still so hectic that I could barely walk the next day. Trying to work and keep up my home was impossible.
Naturally, things started to pile up as a result. I was never the neatest individual, but now things started going from cluttered to dirty. Clean the shower and toilet? Nope, just my germs and soap scum. It will be fine. Dishes piling up? I’ll order take out. I’m too tired to cook anyway. Laundry? HAH! That’s hilarious. Sweeping? Vacuuming? Walking the dog? Cleaning the cat boxes? Taking out the trash? It was overwhelming. And everything seemed worse and worse as time went on. The mess got deeper and deeper with every passing day.
I had good intentions. I’d wake up on my day off actually feeling rested! I was motivated to clean and get stuff done. Then I stopped and looked at the mountain of work. What was the point? It would never get done. I’d start cleaning, but soon overheat or get tired. And the mess was still there! Why even bother? I tried lists. I tried blocking my home into sections. I tried dividing my task type. Nothing worked. I would start, hit a bump, get overwhelmed, and collapse into a fit of despair knowing I was destined to die in my filth.
But eventually, I was able to turn it around. The change started with someone giving me a bit of advice. Instead of writing out a list of things to DO, write down what I actually DID. Didn’t make much sense at first. But after getting discouraged again one day, I decided to try it. I looked at the horrifying mess that was my life, grabbed a pen, and started writing what I did that day. The finished list was quite surprising. I’d actually done quite a bit. I realized I’d earned a break and was able to relax without the cloud of guilt hanging over me. Using that method, little by little, my mess was cleaned.
I do things a little differently today, but the mental aspect is still there. It does take some knowing of yourself. Am I being lazy? Or do I just need a break? If I’m being lazy, I give myself one task to do. This gets me up and going. But if I need a break, I remind myself of everything I’ve accomplished, and take a break.
This method has really helped me in the last week. June was a very stressful month for personal reasons. The mental stress was just as exhausting as if I were still working 12 hour shifts in patient care. I was exhausted physically and mentally–and my home showed it. But as I write this, I’m looking around and the chair that was piled with clutter 4 days ago is clear. I can see the floor. There are unwashed dishes in the sink, but they aren’t piled everywhere. The floor is still dirty, but the majority of hair and dust has been vacuumed.
How did I accomplish this in only 4 days while working? Simple. I gave myself permission to not do everything. I told myself it was okay if things didn’t get done. I started with a list and starred the essentials. Clean cat boxes. Laundry. Fill out paperwork. Those were the three. And you know what? Those three are done. I still have a basket of clean laundry next to me, but if you looked into it, you’d see it contains matched socks and items to be hung up. Before, it contained all of that plus 4 weeks of laundry waiting to be folded. There’s still laundry left to do, but I put a load of towels in yesterday afternoon. I didn’t fold them until today, but it’s done.
Yesterday, the task I wanted to complete was cleaning the coffee station. One task. Simple, right? Wrong. I walked inside, took care of the critters, looked at that coffee station and had absolutely no motivation to clean it. Previously in that situation, I would have whined. Complained. Delayed. Generally wasted the entire evening because I didn’t want to do that one task. Yesterday I instead did something different. I gave myself permission to NOT clean the coffee station. Seriously. For real. So how do I get anything done if I can’t complete one task? Easy. I replaced the assigned task with something else. And honestly, I have no idea what it was. Must have fallen into one of the black MS holes in my brain! Oh wait! I think I cleared off the couch and vacuumed the cushions. I also did a quick overall vacuum of the floor. And cleaned the cat box.
Thing is, none of that would have gotten done if I’d gotten hung up on the fact that I NEEDED to clean the coffee station. The coffee station still isn’t cleaned. Because my task for today was folding the towels. But you know what? That’s okay. Because I also made myself chicken salad for dinner. And I’ve been working on washing it down with a green smoothie. No take out! Am I going to clean the coffee station tonight? Nope. Am I going to hang up the laundry? Probably not. But I am writing this post instead of just thinking about it. And I am going to get the last few things on the couch put away. And maybe I’ll do one or two more easy tasks. Or maybe not. But what I’m not going to do is waste the evening worrying about things to be done. Sometimes it’s okay to put things off, as long as you’re still moving forward.
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